That week of MC

Thank you for:

1) praying - had diarrhea since Mon nite till Sat Morn. Chinese and western med didnt work. Didnt want to start antibiotic (abx)  but as a last resort, I walked to the staff clinic that Sat morn on my way to work. Amazing thing was that 1st tablet of abx actually stopped all the diarrhea. (honestly, i didnt want to activate ple to pray for me cos I dun believe that prayer helps and also pride stood in the way)

2) Was able to go to PLK's farewell party. Was raining heavily and was weak from all the diarrhea but thank God I was able to go and reached on time for the touching sharing session. 

3) I was made aware of such thing called Divine Office from my Chinese physician. Was very keen to get a copy but was having diarrhea, so cldnt go to the sister's place to get it. I was actually thinking abt the book the whole of that day and nite. And that very nite, when I was feeling at the most sick, I started to reflect abt my life.

So what if I tried to pray everyday? What is true prayer? Have I seen fruits from prayer? No. I have not been a kind colleague esp to the one who covered my duties when I was sick. I am not a friendly person - many times I just cant be bothered to talk to ple. BUT my job requires me to talk all the time. Instead of being able to empathize with the ple I serve, I hv become a parrot just talking the same thing every time. I am not the busiest person around yet my brain is alwz planning the agenda for later, weeks, months...

I have nt been truly alive all these while and it gets worse as years pass. So what is lacking? - LOVE.

1 Corinthians 13. 

Not that I came into this world without a heart... 

Perhaps I havent learnt how to love properly 

Perhaps I am just too caught up with myself - as what Fr Gino said the 'I' problem

Perhaps I am too ambitious

Perhaps I hvn prayed enuf (definitely)...

After that week of diarrhea, I realise my brain doesnt work as fast as before. My memory still lapses... I take an extra second to recall certain friend's name, I suddenly cant recall what the 3rd glorious mystery is and I have to think very hard to recall what I had done a few days ago... I am forced to 'slow down', which is in a way good cos I dun feel so puffed up with the hectic pace here.

It is hard to thank Him for that week of suffering... but after all that happened... :)