Come away, come away

Last prayer meeting, vincent sing this song "come away", this lyric echoes the sound of my heart

Are you worried about tomorrow,
Are the pressures of this life too hard to bear?

At that night, my head is full of worries.. What happen is, on that saturday morning, i just transfer quite a bit of my saving to my bro in indonesia, because he open another shop and for unexpected problem he needed extra cash. So i said ok.

After i sent the money from DBS, for unknown reason, i'm starting to get worried, it's not because i'm worried what will happen with the money, it's more like i'm losing some sense of security because my bank account suddenly drop to emergency level. I prefer to have savings for emergency situation and planning of my future..

• What happen if suddenly any of my family got hospitalize, accident, something bad happen *touch wood*..  

• I want to save in case i want to buy house, or to get married *touch wood harder*..

• How can i be a good husband or a good father if i can't save money or earn enough money or cannot plan for the future..

• I also want to give money to my parents also so they can be happy and do what they wanted to do..
• And the what if n want list goes on and on

I'm so agitated that i can't concentrate on the song, then there is another lyric from the same song

Try to find a quiet place,
To hear his voice and seek his face.
Can you hear the Spirit calling a come away.

So after testimony session, i give up to continue with the session, excuse myself to william and go to adoration room and starting to ask my favourite question to God "WHY?" What do You want? Tell me...

I can't hear Him, because my heart and my mind still full of worries.. So i try to calm down, i feel like what it meant to find a quiet place is not only the environment but also quiet in heart and mind, to be able to hear His voice..

I feel like He is telling me, what He wants is not just to give up on my sins but also to give up the thing that i like, that i feel is good, to give up everything.. He means.. EVERYTHING, my sense of security, my thoughts, my loved ones, my dreams, my future, my everything.. To give it up to Him, so i can receive Him fully, to be able to live in Him and Him in me..

I remember this sharing by philip, when he say, he and lisa love the child in lisa's womb very very much, but he surrender everything to God.. At that time, i don't know the weight of his statement.. It just sounds the right thing to do, and philip is so holy, it should be not that hard for him.. But as i relate to his sharing, tears just trying to go out as i try to force it back.. God you must be crazy..... But philip show it that it is humanly possible to give everything to God.

I feel that i found my answer to my worries, but i don't have the strenght to face it.. I need fresh air, so i go out and go to mother mary statue.. After "consulting" my problems to her, i found some strenght then i turn my back and facing the church. I can see Jesus cross very clearly from this end. I said to Him, If it is really possible to live with You, guide me.. So i start to walk with faith that He is in me.. It is really hard even just to walk, but it gets easier until i reach the door of the church, and i am convince.. It is possbile to walk with Him.

It was a really comforting experience, and this morning in MRT, i was still thinking should i write testimony to tell about this experience, then i read today's mass reading from my iphone in MRT.. I was stoned for some time.. I bold the words that really shoot me.

Micah 6:8 What is good has been explained to you, man; this is what the Lord asks of you: only this, to act justly, to love tenderly and to walk humbly with your God.