To Die and Raise Up in a Choir

I love to sing for God! I want to serve God some more, too. That is why other than Emmaus, I join a choir group in my church. But, when I first join the community, it is not as what I expected it: like Emmaus. It turns out the people there are just too serious in singing, but I can not feel Jesus inside each of them. It feels more like a choir group of commoners than a group of God’s people. None of them care for each other. People are just coming to sing and listen to the conductor. After practices, they all are gone to their own world. There is not even a single “good morning” or “how are you”. At least that is what I feel. Although I know some of them have their own groups to talk to, but is it age that matters? I feel that if I start the conversation, the older ones will feel offended or may be it is just that they don’t like to talk. Actually there are one or two persons who are talking to me, literally, but I still feel lonely.

Often I feel so invisible to them. They like to divide the choir into altos and descants parts. I wish to sing differently, too, but the chance never comes. I only sing the usual melody and so I feel I don’t contribute much. May be I cannot sing that good, but I never get the chance to try. After some weeks, I started to question, should I stay or leave? No one cares, though.

Then I went for Father Gino retreat last month and during the silent moments I ask God, what I should do. I tried to discern. At the end, I think God told me to do whatever I can do in my life. Although I don’t have any talents for some aspect of my life, but if I can do something, then I should do it. As what the Lord’s word about is not to hide any of the talents He has given to us. So now I try to sing for God, not for me or the choir group. Not to boast what I can do, but to merely do what I can. It is not easy to always think so. I hope I can persevere and if there is a chance, I hope to be able to know the choir members more deeply and may God touch their hearts and make them alive.