My Story of God's Love

Yesterday I went to the Emmaus YISS for their first session. It was kind of unplanned though. I was asked to help in the one-hour intercessory prayer scheduled at 5.30pm and I was thinking of going to adoration room after that. But after the intercessory prayer, Maggy and Valent invited me to also join the session, so I decided to just come along.

Brother Oka was the speaker for this first YISS session. Initially, I was expecting to hear something similar to what I heard during the past LISC that I attended in NTU. Not expecting anything new to learn, I listened to what he was to share for this talk on God’s love.

However, unlike the usual (more theoretical) talk on what God’s love is, yesterday Brother Oka spoke more of his life testimony about how he has experienced God’s love in his life. He shared how his perception towards God has changed from the time when he was still young (God as a strict Father and a merciless judge), to the time when he then started to realize how God is actually a loving Father and Jesus being his good friend. And he also told us how he then started to fall in love with God after his first LISC, started to desire more for Him, to read more of His words and to spend longer time with Him in prayer and in mass.

Oka also challenged us with these questions that brought me into a deeper reflection:

“Who is God for YOU? And what is YOUR story of God’s love?”

So when I recalled the time when I joined my first LISC last year, I started to refresh my memory again, about how different I was in the past…about how much God has changed me, changed my life after the LISC. Sometimes, I still do not understand why I am like this now, why I started to have more desire for Him, why I can be so interested to read more of the Bible, why I can spend more and more time in prayer and service and why I can be so hungry for Him, for His body and blood in the Eucharist. So many “why”s and I just can’t really find a logical reason to answer them. Maybe my past ‘I’ would think that my current ‘I’ is crazy for doing all those things.

But despite all the questions, somehow…I just feel happy...happy to have found Him...happy to be close to Him...happy to be able to experience Him in my life. Many things are just difficult to explain, but I realize that certain things are too deep for my mind to comprehend. They remain as mystery. But… I believe that it was Him, it was His Holy Spirit that has worked in me and I am so grateful that God has changed me to be like who I am now.

Then Brother Oka also shared another story of his childhood that also struck me. That time, he was learning how to swim in the adult pool for the first time with his father. He was initially afraid to swim to the middle of the pool, where his father was. His father had been asking Oka to swim towards him. So, after he gathered his courage, he decided to overcome his fear and swim towards his father. He did it well at first, but, as he was nearing his father, suddenly his father stepped back. Oka, seeing this, started to panic and was about to be drowned. However, the father quickly grabbed him and saved him.

This story made me realize that sometimes in our life; we are easily panicked or maybe angry, when God suddenly puts us into difficult situation or when we suddenly feel very distant from God. And when we lose our trust in Him, it is actually very easy for us to be ‘drowned’. But God, being our loving Father, will not leave us to be drowned. He just wants to challenge us to be stronger, to be able to swim further in our life. He will not give problems that are more than what we can bear, because He is watching over us, and He will quickly rescue us from any danger that is ahead of us.

So I thank You, Father, for Your love. Thank You for Brother Oka and the service team whom You had called to testify about Your love in their lives. Thank You also for ensuring me that You will always keep an eye to watch over me. Help me, Lord, to trust in You, to believe that You are close to me even though I may not be able to feel Your presence. And, continue to take me deeper in love with You, Lord, for me to desire more and more of You. I believe Lord, that You alone are the One who satisfies my hunger, my longing and desire. Amen.