I will come back to you

Yesterday I went to St.Mary’s Church for the Maundy Thursday mass. During the time when I spent some time of silence in prayer, God somehow brought me to a beautiful scene in the garden, where I, as a little girl, was playing with Him joyfully. It was a very beautiful garden with many flowers. And I was running here and there, holding my Daddy’s hand.

I smiled and laughed, just like how an innocent child would express her delight and excitement while playing with the person who loves her so much.

However, after some time, He asked me to sit down and stop playing because he wanted to tell me something important.

“My dear girl, you have grown up so much…I really love you and I am very proud of you. But now Daddy has to go, to a faraway place. So I need you to take care of yourself and do not be afraid when I am not around, okay?” he said with a gentle look to me in his eyes.

“But where are you going? Can I go with you? I don’t want to be alone”, I pleaded to him.

“Do not be worried, I will come back again. And when you cannot see me, remember that I am always in your heart,” he replied, trying to comfort me.

Then he walked away from me slowly and I was left alone. I was very afraid and I tried to look for my dad in my emptiness. Then, suddenly I saw many people were crowding a man who was kneeling hopelessly on the ground.  “It is my dad! What are they doing to my father?” I spoke with anger in my heart.

I tried very hard to get into the crowd and reached my Dad who was already full of blood all over his body. But when I reached him and wanted to wipe his face, he said to me, “Don’t cry, my child. Don’t you remember what I told you? You are my strong daughter, and I believe in you. I will come back again, so do not be worried.” And then the crowd pushed me back as they dragged my father away from me.

I couldn’t stand myself looking at such horrible and heartbreaking scene. So I tried to clear all this vision from my mind and stopped my prayer.

On my way back home, I kept thinking why God showed this to me. Why did he make my heart break when he left me alone?

Then this morning, I was flipping through my Breaking Bread to find the songs that were sung during mass yesterday.  And when I found one, titled “As I Have Done For You”, I read the lyrics and I was very struck with the second verse that says:

I must leave you now only for a moment.
I must go to my Father to make you a home.
On the day of my return, I will come to take you with me
to the place I have promised where your joy will have no end.  

This was very similar to what He told me in my prayer!

And not only that, I was also listening to the Youtube playlist videos of the soundtracks of the movie “The Passion of Christ”, and I was struck by a song titled “In Christ Alone”. The lyrics said:

In Christ alone my hope is found.
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This cornerstone this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand.
Till He returns or calls me home;
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand!

Then…I started to understand His purpose. I recalled a time recently when I felt God wasn’t there for me. I was struggling with my unending school work and commitments, and I was feeling spiritually very dry. I had been trying to pray and look for God’s help. But it seemed that He was nowhere. I just couldn’t focus in my prayer, and I felt pretty tired and angry to God because things just went not according to what I expected.

However, I realized that when I feel that God leaves me, or when I think that God is not helping me with my problems, He is actually asking me to be strong, because I have grown up. I am no longer a baby who always needs to be coddled. He wants me to believe that nothing can ever take me away from His hand, even when He is not with me, because He is always in my heart and thus I will be able to stand in His power.

He also assured me that He will surely come back again with His promised joy because nothing can defeat His power, even death. Whenever I suffer through the Passion and Death -- whenever I face difficulties and hopelessness in my life, He wants me to believe that the Resurrection will come and He will come back to me, to save me and bless me with joy.

So I thank you, Dad, for you have made me grow stronger and stronger everyday through the trials that I face. Let me stand forever in You and I will always wait for you to come back and play with me again.