Discomfort, suffering and God
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May 11, 2009 - 18:36
Hi
please help me to think about this.
A good friend of mine, recently face some events which cause discomfort.
For example, you suddenly receive a pay cut, or being fired etc2.
it is something that he experienced without even can do anything about it.
Then as a believer, he feels that everything come from God. He tried to be faithful and pray more to ask God what is the meaning of these events.
He also pray to God to remove the discomfort and pain caused by it.
But event after event keep occurring. then he became confuse why God give him these things.
Why God do not say anything and keep quite?
he also even start to think, is there something wrong with me?
is God still care with me?
I tried my best to counsel him, but because I am not at his position so he couldnt accept what I told him.
These are what I told him:
God is the source of goodness, so something bad might not come from God.
An unfortunate event, if it is from God maybe a test to make us closer to God, not the opposite.
So instead of questioning God why, its better to ask Him how.
How I could move on from my current state of pain and discomfort by Your help.
But these thing is not acceptable by Him.
Please give me suggestion, how could I help my friend?
andy
May 12, 2009 - 12:57
#2
Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering!
There are many reasons why there can be suffering:
a) Consequence of sin. Sometimes even after we confessed our sin, there is still the effects of sin that needs to be dealt with. Sometimes it's not even your sin, but the consequence of other people's sin.
b) Sometimes, God has allowed it to happen so that you are purified further. And even after that you might be called for additional suffering to help the other souls (it's very rare that it should be the case unless your soul so desires it). Recent examples are Mother Theresa and Padre Pio.
Yet, Jesus came and never explain why there is suffering. Instead he said shut up, take up your cross and follow me. Ok fine, he didn't say shut up. But he never did grumble when he went through his Passion though he was sinless. Mother Mary never mutter any complains to God when she saw her son going through the suffering as well. What Jesus and Mary did was to give meaning to suffering even when bore by holy and sinless people.
While this is a core teaching in the Church, it would incredibly awkward to tell anyone that. It's like someone who has broken a bone, in terrible amount of pain and, you try to console him that a doctor will heal him and he will get stronger. Or for someone who has just lost their parents and ask you why they should die, it would be very hard to tell them that everyone has to go back to God.
I believe in times like this, the pastoral thing to do is to be Christ to him. Be a listening ear, console his emotional down, help him in practical ways you can (maybe pray with him), take him for a quiet walk to relax him and even sometimes some humor can cheer him up. Also, dissuade him from trying to figure out why God has done this to him, rather try to persuade him to walk with and listen to God. It would be wonderful if he could understand more about the meaning of his suffering.
I hope this helps.
May 13, 2009 - 12:26
#3
6 steps of being a group sharing leader
Yoz bro...
If someone comes to me and share with me like your friend shared with you, I would try to find out what this person really needs by listening to that person. I remember the 6 points that Vincent shared in facil briefing. I have always think of this but bro Vince put it nicely in structured words haha!
1. Listen
2. Encourage
3. Share (our spiritual life)
4. Be vulnerable
5. Correct the person lovingly
6. Be patient
Based on experience, I would say
* Point 1 help me to understand the person, so I can empathize with him/her and that person also see that he/she is listened. Helps them to listen to encouragement and input also.
* Point 2 helps the person to be positive. I see normally people who are having difficulties would needs positive input from external to fight the negativity they are facing.
* Point 3 and 4 helps the person to open up
* Point 5 most of the time I will do if the person asked, or I kinda feel this person is open enough to listen
* Point 6 something that I always try to do
For me I usually try to do 1 & 2 for 1st sharing. Then the next step depends on the readiness of the person and also if I'm ready for it.
Well, that's my experience. Hope it can help you =)
May 20, 2009 - 20:37
#4
hmmmm
Well... not sure which stage ur fren is in now of the lag time in this comment.
I went thru a rough patch in my life last yr... while fighting it, another problem came along without the first subsiding... so i was fighting almost everyday for the past 6 months.
These 6mths: Anger, sadness, confusion, helplessness, submission, faith, surrender, exhaustion, humbled, God's grace, mercy, thanksgiving....
Why did ur fren refuse to accept what u said? What was his reaction towards what u said? Is he habouring an (unseen) anger towards God? Is he feeling inferior or just being frustrated with life such that whatever ple say has already hit a dense mental haze?
More often, I feel that the person who is undergoing thru the difficulties may have known the answer but only a matter of the level he/she is willing to acknowledge that.
When he prayed to God for reasons of the things he is going thru, how ready was he to accept God's reply? I would say if u dare to pray for something, also pray for the courage to accept what God gives. Cos the manner things are answered may not be acceptable to human beings at the first glance. U have to pray to 'see things thru His eyes' before u understand why u are going thru that.
I may be a bit more pesimistic in this aspect- i wld see things that i am uncomfortable with as tests to purify me (wrt the things ple before me have posted). Since they are tests, I tell myself to do them well cos all these tests will be over someday and I would nt want to look back with regret 'cos I didnt do well in those tests'. However, that is no 'one man show'. Pray, give it the best shot, Pray again, leave it to God.
As his fren, since u have given him ur opinion and he rejected ur comments, there is nothing much u can really do at this point of time. Perhaps he is not ready to accept comments of any sort. Continue to pray for him to be more receptive. When it is time, he will slowly be shown the way and that is when i feel that even without ple talking to him, he will know the reasons.
With that, I want to thank the people who have prayed for and stood by me all these while. Esp the first few mths when i was the most irritating and whiny. Thank you for being there almost 24/7 hearing me out. :D
May 30, 2009 - 14:52
#5
Thank you all!
Thank you all!
I really love ur reply and comment.
What I will do is to increase my prayer to him, and keep being a good friend for him.
Thank you for hilda for sharing your personal experience, I think what I need to do is to surrender him to God.
I do not know if it is a test from God, but believing in God does not mean our life would involve no pain or suffering. I think the best is to keep trusting God, believing that as we also carry our cross, He is with us too.
The commentaries I found for today's reading seems to be quite relevant:
"If you accept difficulties with a faint heart you lose joy and your peace, and you run the risk of not deriving spiritual profit from the trial" (St. J. Escriva, "The Way", 696).
St. Paul is not cowed by persecution and physical suffering. He knows that this crisis is the prelude to abundant spiritual fruit, and in fact many people in this region do embrace the Gospel.
Even though St. Luke records the progress and success of the Word of God, he also shows that its preachers certainly encounter the cross (cf. 13:14, 50). The Gospel meets with acceptance everywhere--and also with opposition. "Where there are many laurels", St. Ambrose says, "there is fierce combat. It is good for you to have persecutors: that way you attain more rapid success in your enterprises" ("Expositio in Ps 118", 20, 43).
The Apostles have no difficulty in pointing to events to show the disciples that suffering and difficulties form part of Christian living.
"Cross, toil, anguish: such will be your lot as long as you live. That was the way Christ went, and the disciple is not above his master" (St. J. Escriva, "The Way", 699). "Each of us has at some time or other experienced that serving Christ our Lord involves suffering and hardship; to deny this would imply that we had not yet found God [...]. Far from discouraging us, the difficulties we meet have to spur us on to mature as Christians. This fight sanctifies us and gives effectiveness to our apostolic endeavors" (St. J. Escriva, "Friends of God", 28 and 216).
--> end of the commentaries
Interestingly, suffering and discomfort is a part of Christian living...
Hope this helps..
"To have courage for whatever comes in life - everything lies in that." (St Teresa of Avila)