Why Dating Doesn't Predict Marital Success
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April 28, 2009 - 10:34
I found an interesting scientific article about dating :)
Happy are those who find their partner show support in the little things in life, like washing dishes or cook for dinner! hehehe
http://www.sciam.com/podcast/episode.cfm?id=why-dating-doesnt-predict-marital-s-09-04-27
a short extract which I found to be interesting:
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For both types of couples, the primary predictor of happiness is your perception of whether your partner motivates you to live up to your aspirations and supports you in pursuit of your dreams.
But in marriage there is one additional type of support that does not appear to be a big deal in dating. In marriage, not surprisingly, there is a strong need to think your partner is actively helping you fulfill your current responsibilities and obligations.
So it’s true. For both men and women, a little help hauling out the garbage goes a long way towards marital bliss.
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April 28, 2009 - 15:37
#2
That odd sensation at the start of a relationship
Haha! Thinking about it is scary! I'm guessing couples who are starting a family on their own (newly weds) will again experience the odd sensation as those who have just started a relationship (dating) do. But in a far deeper meaning. There's a level of 'confusion' and 'adjustment' on almost about everything. Is this true? (asking erwin and devi haha)
About throwing out the garbage... I agree!! I believe it's the little things that makes a big difference at the end of the day. My best friend told me that two people who are married is like being in the same boat. I guess being in the same boat will mean sharing the burden and responsibility, no matter how small it is. Waiting for oka and maya to share :P
April 29, 2009 - 23:42
#3
I started dating in high school
I thought Dating is a requirement for Marital Success.
My parents still go out on dates.. So did my grandparents when they were both alive (God bless their souls).. I learned from my role models that dating is very important in a relationship because it is an escape from the routine of their lives.. Taking care of kids, minding the family business, keeping the home clean, these can be very stressful for a couple.. Dating provides the chance to enjoy each others glances, remind them of their promises to stand by each other through thick and thin..
I encourage you, therefore, go on dates!
Btw, I went on a lot of dates with my first girlfriend from high school.. We broke up..
April 29, 2009 - 23:49
#4
Mixed definitions?
@Vincent: I think you mix the definition of dating here... I think the article refers dating to dating before marriage... and you are referring to dating for married couples?
April 30, 2009 - 23:38
#5
more responsibility?
Marriage is not as simple as what we think. We can face so many problems and obstacles. As a partner, i think nothing unusual if they help each other to go through the difficulties. Marriage need more commitment that's why something small when dating can become big.
May 1, 2009 - 17:04
#6
May be they'd not done the RIGHT datings prior to their wedding!
Hi guys, there's a "right" or "wrong" dating as I recall based from my experience..heheheh..I guess, if they had done the "right" one, then they will reap its benefits when they reach married life. To have the "right" dating, there are criteria that each partner must know and do---be it on their aspirations and dreams when they get married; the commitment to do and share responsibilities and obligations as a couple; any activity that will lead to know and accept each partner deeply (as long as it's not a sin); and etc. When all the above criteria is sufficiently meet and rooted with love, most probably, it will guarantee a marital bliss and success...
To know more about the 'right' dating criteria, just feel free to ask me personally when I get there in Singapore soon...hehehe...:) Regards to all...
May 3, 2009 - 09:14
#7
Bong and dating ...
Hi Bong,
nice to hear again from you, wow so when will you be here? we hope to see you soon.
hahaha. ya I agree with what Bong said. The article which I posted is a survey. It basically says that most people when they dates, they don't think about marriage. So when they got into marriage they can be shocked and surprised.
I recall a book written by a protestant pastor titled "kiss dating goodbye", or something sound like that. He is trying to say that skip dating and go to courtship. Because in dating we are not preparing ourselves for the true relationship in marriage. But in courtship we are thinking about marriage and see our partner in the perspective of that Wedding vow.
May 4, 2009 - 22:36
#8
and yet..
and yet don't go into dating just thinking about marriage.. you will be putting undue pressure on yourself. Instead, be with that person, learn more about your date, fall in love (if you can), learn more about yourself, learn how God works in all these, reflect, pray and then maybe go for a second date.
But in the longer term if you are really interested in a long term relationship, marriage would be something which needs considering and working towards. Working on communication, is something I believe would be important and fundamental.
Just some of my normal rambling.....
May 5, 2009 - 09:43
#9
Boy Meets Girl
@Oka: yes the book's title is "I Kiss Dating Goodbye" written by Joshua Harris. Btw, Joshua Harris wrote the book to talk to people who go into dating without being ready for marriage. He also shared about this experience I believe. I haven't read this book yet.
But there's another book that he wrote. This one I have read. In this one he wrote for people who are ready to get married. The title is "Boy Meets Girl". He explain about courtship (this is not only dating, it's a whole more than that). It's a good book, I recommend all people who are thinking of marriage and relationship to read this book.
May 5, 2009 - 21:50
#10
Ahammm...
@Oka: I booked for flight sched on 19 June, Friday. Then hoping to meet you on the next day, during the prayer meeting...
@Christine: I guess you're ready to settle down... Is the book " Boy meets Girl" solely intended for those who are ready to get married? If so, I should not read that one...(I'm not ready coz dont have gf)heheheeh...
May 6, 2009 - 20:31
#11
Heys..^^..
Hey, guys..
My first comment here..:, Just wanted to share some thoughts..since Joshua Harris book give me true insight on what it is mean to be in a exclusive relationship.
We live in the country that many people took exclusive relationship for granted, only for popularity or self fullfilment. & yet, this book reminded and make me hold firm stands that being in exclusive relationship is one of the holy vocation that have its holy purpose to create God's family, other than that teach me also to always put GOD as my center in my exc.relationship and my family later on.
P.s In "Kiss Dating Goodbye" actually he has been thru so many dates before, until he gave up all aimlessly dates and realized that he took all the girls for granted, until he met his present wive, and wrote this book>.:)
Both books excellent for everyone who wants to know what does the real meaaning to be in exclusive relationship & you, guys will be so amazed by him, who is a westerner and yet, he able to make firm stand.
Interesting point there. I guess during dating people tend not to really think about current responsibilities and obligations..? Maybe can confirm with those married couples (time to force Erwin Devi and Lisa Philip to register to this website)? See what they think about this matter. Haha...
"To have courage for whatever comes in life - everything lies in that." (St Teresa of Avila)